Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash

I Don’t Want to Be Needed

Not in the way you need me

“I’m not afraid of the opinions of others — but of being needed and coming up short.”
― John Geddes

I don’t want to be needed. I don’t want to be called at 3 am to shoulder your weeping sorrow, streaming from your eyes via tears. I don’t want to appear in your dreams that seemingly suggest to you that I’ve been on your mind as of late and perhaps you, mine — please don’t believe that. I don’t want to be interrupted during my writing time so you can tell me about your shitty day that actually wasn’t all so shitty and similarly, I don’t want you to tell me about your wonderful day that actually wasn’t all so wonderful. I don’t want to be needed in the way that you need me, yearning for me to be at your beck and call day and night as if you’re the only person of importance in my life: you aren’t. I don’t want you to tell me how much you need me, because when I let you down (it’s absolutely when, not if), I don’t want to carry the burden of letting you down so cruelly that I then begin to question myself and not in the good way that allows for growth.

I don’t want to be needed. I don’t want the responsibility of failing you to the point of no return, no forgiveness, no remembrance of better days. I don’t want you crying upon someone else’s shoulders the times when I’m not available to be there for you…