“The strongest prison is the one where you are afraid to leave even though the door is open! There is no more heavy imprisonment than being afraid to be free!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan
i’m sorry i missed the signs
of when you were using again
and also dealing.
i’m sorry i kicked you out when times were hard
because it was affecting my mental state,
but to be on the streets is no joke…
i know that now.
i’m sorry i unknowingly enabled you,
cultivating plans of yoga at the park,
all the while,
you finding people to sell to.
i’m sorry i believed your words over your actions,
holding onto hope that you were fine because you said you were,
even though your actions screamed otherwise —
holy fuck, man.
i’m sorry you’re in prison now,
because i moved away to rid your toxic ways,
except the real you isn’t toxic.
the real your is pure, genuine, innocent, kind.
the system fucked you.
your childhood fucked you.
your creepy friends fucked you.
your use of drugs ultimately fucked you.
YOU fucking fucked you.
but the worst of all?
it was naïve me.
i fucked you.
and i’m sorry.
i loved you.
i love you.
and i want the best for you.
but also, i want the best for me.
i never stopped wishing you well.
i never stopped thinking about you.
i never stopped having dreams about you.
it’s all still real to me.
and i promise things will be different this time.
i’m here for you.
i’ll listen and have grace and compassion.
i’m giving you my all.