Member-only story
What I Shouldn’t Have Wanted
But I’m filled with joy I caved
“Longed for him. Got him. Shit.”
―Margaret Atwood
I shouldn’t have opened up my heart to him
as early as I did,
lest it be stomped upon by his doing,
and then by mine,
in due time —
always in due time —
as breakage is inevitable.
I shouldn’t have wanted him to become attached too soon,
for now I too am attached,
and quite possibly also too soon,
now committed and all in,
when I’m meant to be a cane,
not a fucking wall
in which to support both you and me.
I shouldn’t have told you my deepest secrets,
entrusting you with complete intimacy
and vulnerability and raw truths
that are unveiled to none other
than you (now):
please tell me you won’t let me down
by holding hostage my privacy.
I shouldn’t have welcomed you into my insanities
so easily,
albeit anyone can see how insane I truly am…
